By: Onyinyechi Nwobodo
‘Surrender’, it’s a word I’ve heard a lot lately. A word that I’ve been hearing since I came to the Lord in 2020. From what I’ve heard that year was a year of awakeningfor many. Anyways, let’s get back to the point. Recently, the word ‘surrender’ became a swear word to me. Once I heard that word, I would retreat internally, far away, and almost numb my heart to what I was hearing(Warning: Do not try this at home, it is very dangerous for your soul). I was afraid- afraid to lay down my desires and will. I was afraid to simply let Jesus have all of me. Obviously, this behaviour was attributed to the stubborn state of the human heart, one that seeks to be independent of God and do life on its own terms.
I was incredibly shocked when (can you sense the sarcasm?), not long after my refusal to surrender, I found myself in old habits that Jesus had set me free from. I was also in a place where my spiritual growth was capped. I was unable to go forward, and even though I didn’t want to backslide, I found myself doing so. My heart was not submitted to Jesus’ authority, what was I expecting?
Jesus made a profound statement in Matthew 6:24. He said “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” I found myself becoming a slave to sin, again (John 8:35 NIV). My thoughts of Jesus were few. I was always meditating on what I wanted, my desires, my feelings; me, me, me!
Thankfully, God helped me to understand that I was killing myself in the process of doing what I thought I wanted, what I believed that I needed. There’s a lyric from a song that comes to heart: ‘I can see it, I can feel it. I believe it in my heart. You’re removing, you’re uprooting. You are showing us your heart. I could run a million miles, but your spirit always follows. I can see it, I can feel it, this I know, that You’ll never fail to bring your children home.’
In the middle of our conversation (this was not a one-time conversation, it’s still ongoing), the Holy Spirit said something to me, I asked him a question but there was a question on my heart that I had not voiced. I was trying to experience true freedom. He said, ‘Onyinyechi, True Freedom is found in surrender.’ Here we go with this word, again, and this time I had no choice but to listen.
He brought Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV) to mind, ‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.’
‘And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ‘fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.’
When we fix our eyes on Jesus, on his person, His nature, when our minds are fixed on Him, we are aware of His presence. The process of becoming aware of God is called fellowship; it is called communion. Fellowship is the exchange of thoughts, feelings, and words with the Lord. I found that in the place of being with the Lord and learning to see the way He sees, and see His perspective on things, His view had began to become my reality.
It can be tough at times, especially where it feels like I could die if this desire is not satisfied. There were times where I have failed and sincerely regretted giving in, and there were also times where I became aware of God and His presence and His love for me, and in those moments, I found the courage and strength to say no to my selfish desires. It was ‘not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit says the Lord Almighty’ (Zechariah 4:6 NIV)
Freedom is not a one-time thing. We must constantly work it out, by being aware of Christ and following his leadings. It won’t always feel easy but, but it always leads to eternal life, even when we cannot see beyond the internal conflict between flesh and spirit.
It is my earnest prayer that we constantly look to Jesus, who will give us the strength and power to forsake every other lesser lover and pursue His presence. Amen.
